I am crazy

Using caffeine to drown out the echos in my mind, listen to music so I cannot hear the silence, the silence so haunting so foreboding I cant deal with it. Sleep with a TV on so I wont dream, cant dream, I refuse to dream because deep down I don't want my thoughts to effect my mental state. I know deep down I will reach some mental state of knowing what is there when I let my self be, but that's the thing, whats there is something I don t want to know. I bury it away underground so I can hide the shit that is there, writing anything I can to escape this reality, but not letting whats inside me out. I cant handle it.